Phatso: My Bastard Son!

So, I do a little search on my favorite website for dance music,, to see if my latest Aaren San/Plasmapool remixes have dropped, and whaddayaknow, I have a son.

Right there. A little bastard Phatso. I have no idea who the mother is, but all signs point in the direction of Spanish digital label Cutoff Recordings who, as it turns out, are my ‘friends’ on supreme social networking mecca, Facebook.

I always knew that relationship was gonna be trouble.

Anyway, the track is called Introspection by Phatso. Simply Phatso. No bio, no birth certificate, no history. Just Phatso.

Do you know of your father, my son?

I can only assume the label had no clue there was a Phatso Brown out there (serving up fresh hot organic gooey Electro goodness since 2006, thank you ladies), and thus released a track by my bastardly boy.

It’s not a bad tune at all actually, a bit noodley perhaps but it’ll do just fine to warm up the crowd.

Plus, when was the last time you heard an Indian woman say this in a dance track (with a lovely Bombay accent to boot):

“With eyes tight shut
I hear the roar of my heart
A distinct discontent
It says to me
This is not to be, this is not to be”

This most certainly is not to be.

A couple of years ago, I ran into a producer named Phatzoo which is fine, and there is a wonderful Horror Core rapper by the name of Jamie Madrox who wears killer clown makeup and is, by his own admission, “a sick son of a bitch and dirty bastard”. He goes by Phatso sometimes (the same way Eminem goes by Slim Shady), and that is fine.

But this isn’t. Phatso. Brown. Phatso Brown.

It’s not a name to me. It’s who I am. My identity. My destiny.

If you’re making dance music and going by Phatso, and you’re not my bastard son, then you’re out of order.

Call yourself Phatman (but not boy ‘cuz a certain Norman Cook might have a problem with that). Call yourself Phat Bastard. Call yourself anything but Phatso.

I am Phatso. Can You Dig It?

The moral of the story, boys and girls and Superstar DJs, is to Trademark your unique ‘act’ name like its your very essence. Because it is.

P.S. My lovely associate tells me that this is a sign that I have arrived. I hope it’s not Heathrow again.


Forgotten Classic: Lee Coombs-Shapethrower

Taken off the Finger Lickin’ legend’s 2004 debut Breakfast Of Champions, Shapethrower channels quite a bit of Leftfield for an old school progressive house vibe Barnes and Daley would’ve been proud of (and which they either failed, or were unwilling, to recapture on their follow-up clunker Rhythm And Stealth).

At the time, Lee was championing a vanity genre called Tech-Funk that was, according to the man himself, a fusion of Techno, Funk, House, Electro and Breakbeat.

While some of the other tracks on the record may have better embodied this spirit (whatever that was), Shapethrower was arguably a Leftfield throwback, with its pulsating groove and mean and moody sound.

Interestingly, I saw Lee play a couple of times at the now-defunct but magical DC super club Nation (I believe it’s a parking lot now-ironic as you could never find parking when you were there).

He was quite an inspiration when I decided to get into the game circa 2005, and I even gave him of a CD of some of my ‘choice shit’ (in the words of a younger, brasher Brown).

Lee was extremely enthusiastic and friendly.

“I’ll definitely be emailing you,” he said with a warm smile.

I’m still waiting, Lee…

Grant Plant, your time in the spotlight has come, at long last.

Slappin’ The Bass! Great Basslines In Dance: Mr. Oizo/Flat Beat

The basslines IS the track. That, and the puppet, and the music video, and the Levi’s commercial, made this arguably one of the the weirdest number ones in UK chart history.

Look past the gimmicks however, and you have a fine specimen of what I like to call Electrobass: fart-tastic analog nastiness, skippy minimal beats and, well, not much else.

My upcoming remix for Cat Carson’s Beware Of The Electro Dog is a modern take on the style, and while I have a lot more going on here, it can certainly be considered a spiritual son to Monsieur Oizo’s manic MS-20 masterpiece. Puppet or no puppet.

Super Electro Of The Week: Bam Bam Bam: The Noobish Compilation

May kicks off with the Creme De La Creme of Electro compilations.

Sounding a bit like a 70s Swedish porn series, Bam Bam Bam (on the red hot Noobish label) features a veritable who’s who of the international Electro/House scene: Lazy Rich, Steve Velocity, Donique, Yenn, Refracture, Frederick Olufsen, Zedd, Dermot Bateman, Dead Wasps, and yours truly, Phatso Brown.

The ten anthems cover the entire spectrum of contemporary Electro, from the dirt, funk and sweat of Frederick Olufsen’s modestly titled Superior to the haunting progressive beauty of Donique’s Steps.

You have futuristic anime inspired apocalyptic rave in Zedd’s cheeky Nibbler, and Kraftwerk meets Chicago House by way of Washington, DC in Booty.

Label head Yenn teams up with Refracture for the frenzied Electro Breaks workout that is Bass, while Keemarah gives the Dead Wasps’ Don’t You Know the Justice treatment.

Dermot Bateman’s Bang Bang Rosie is a stripped down grinder and a definite grower, and Refracture’s Play gives Klaas a run for his money.

If you love Electronic dance music, do not miss this cunningly crafted collection of climactic ear candy!

Preview and support at Beatport. And please promote legal downloads. Cheers!

I feel good. Prettay prettay prettay good…

Some days, you just do…

April was an extremely busy month with 3 big remix projects, a couple of re-releases and a brand new track (all will be revealed soon my child), so as a special treat, I will be doing something highly unusual: taking the day off.

That means absolutely no music, no studio, no email, and no internet.

Technology Free Friday!

Wal-Mart, here I come!

Great Moments In Electro: Drop The Pressure M@thaf@cka…

Fast forward more than 20 years from the last Great Moments, and we find ourselves in Bonnie Scotland. One Myles Macinnes has just been called the savior of dance music.

Typical understated British journalism.

While Destroy Rock And Roll was certainly chock full of retro electronic goodness, one track embodied everything we’ve covered in the series so far, and will stand the test of time.

M@thaf@cka’s gonna turn up the presshaaa…

I must have listened to this non-stop for at least a day and a half when it first came out. It was pure Electro, no question about it.

Taking a bit of Vince Clarke (that killer bassline was no doubt inspired by the Yazoo classic Situation), a twist of Daft Punk vocoded madness, and a whole lot of catchy (love me those synth stabs), he crafted not only one of the biggest anthems of 2004 (that breakdown is one of the greatest in dance music history), but also created- a Great Moment in Electro.

Brought to you by Ovaltine: for growing boys!

Absolutely spellbinding music video.

Electro Of The Week: Say My Name by Jeff Daniels (feat. Tonye Aganaba)

No, not that Jeff Daniels (at least I don’t think so).

This is one of those rare crossover tracks that manages to avoid the double cheese factor, even though it boasts all of the accouterments: sassy vocal, party lyrics, and well, sassy vocal really.

How you ask? The production. It’s slick, confident and ballsy without trying too hard to be flavor of the month.

I like that.

Yet another solid release from the Plasmapool label.

Preview and support at Trackitdown. And please promote legal MP3 downloads!

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